Somewhere
by SharilinAlenko
Summary: Finally the day has come: Commander Sharilin Shepard has started the final battle against the Reapers, along with her squad mates. Will they win this war? And will she be able to start a new life at the side of her soul mate, the Major Kaidan Alenko? [This fic is slightly different from the original ending of ME3, but anyway it contains spoilers from the EC DLC and Leviathan DLC]
1. Chapter 1

**Finally I've decided to start to write my own headcanon ending for Mass Effect 3. This was my idea since the first time I've finished the game. After the EC DLC and Leviathan DLC, I've just added some new parts.  
I've changed many things because I didn't like at all any of the original endings. I've been inspired by the 'indoctrination theory', but I've developed it in a personal way.  
I have to thank my lovely amazing super friend Mandy, who's helping me so much with my fics, checking my English and giving me great suggestions.  
I hope you're going to enjoy it! ^_^**

* * *

_**Chapter 1**_

'No… Not again… Not… again…'

"… enko?"

'Not again… please…'

"… jor Alenko?"

'Please… I can't… Not… again…'

"Major Alenko! Do you hear me?"

'Not again…'

"KAIDAN!"

He opens his eyes: he's in the Medbay, aboard the Normandy.

"Doctor Chakwas?" he stares at her confused, his sight blurry.

"Oh finally! You stayed unconscious for about… 15 minutes!"

"Wh… what… what happened?" he tries to sit but his head is spinning around "Why am I here?"

"Don't move Kaidan, you're badly injured!" another voice floods the room.

"Garrus…? What…?"

"You were knocked down by a Mako, thrown by the Harbinger's beam. It almost hit your head! It's a miracle that you're alive…"

All at once his memories of the last hours came back to him – the fight in London against all those husks and then the rush towards the beam that led to the Citadel. They were almost there when the incident happened. And now he's here, while his soul mate is somewhere else alone, trying to make the Crucible work.

_"Normandy! Do you copy?" Shepard almost yelling at her comm-link "I need an evac. Right now!"_

_She turns her attention to him "Kaidan, they'll be here any second. Come on!" and she hoists him on her shoulder, with Garrus help._

_Soon the Normandy arrives on the battlefield, evading the Harbinger's beams. They run towards the hatch of the Shuttle bay, but when they arrive she leaves her grip on Kaidan._

_"Garrus, take him!" she starts to back off._

_Kaidan is suddenly caught by a terrible fear "Shepard! Where are you going?"_

_ "You have to get out of here!" she answers him gesticulating._

_"Yeah, that's not gonna happen!" he can barely breathe from all the pain and the loss of blood, but he can't even think about not being at her side now._

_"Don't argue with me Kaidan!" her sky-blue eyes looking at him through her visor seriously and her tone so imperious that he gulps for a while "But, Shepard…"_

_ She sighs while her gaze turns to be gloomy "I am sorry but I have to be rude… Kaidan, you're wounded and I can't take you with me! You wouldn't be of any help at the moment, and you know I'm right!"_

_He feels his eyes filling by tears "Sharilin, please… Don't leave me behind again…"_

_At his last words, her face twists by pain. She knows exactly that he's thinking about that damned day the Normandy SR-1 crashed, when she forced him to leave with the crew while she went to look for Joker. And then she died…_

_She approaches him again "Kaidan, do you remember what I've said to you before?" she gives him her sweetest smile "I need you to take care of your injuries now, because when this is over, I'll be waiting for you, you have to come and find me."_

_One tear goes out from his eyes "I will, Sharilin…"_

_She raises her left hand and caresses his bloodstained cheek "No matter what happens... know that I love you, Kaidan. Always…"_

_"I love you, too…" he smiles shyly back to her "Be careful..." he tries to grab her hand but she's already away from the ship, yelling "Gooooooo!" to them._

'Not again, my love… Please… Not again!' Kaidan bends down on his knees, his head gripped by his hands. He's terrified by the idea of her dying a second time. He can't live without her anymore. The first time part of him died with her and he started to live again only when they got back together again.

Suddenly his train of thoughts is interrupted by another reminiscence: the expression on Shepard's face before the Normandy blew off. She was grinning and the look in her face was sure and firm. She seemed convinced she would be able to end this war and she promised him she will be waiting for him.  
Then he remembers the words she said to him that night, after they found Leviathan.

_"My love… We're going to face the most dangerous enemies the galaxy has ever had… But I strongly intent to win this war, and to survive at any cost!"_

_"I've already lost my life, and especially you, once… Then somehow I've obtained a second chance, and there's no way I'm going to waste it! So we'll defeat the Reapers and then we'll finally be able to start our life together!"_

'You're right, my love. We can do it. I believe in you, I know you're going to save us all again and then you'll return to me. So I have to do my best too.'

"Doctor Chakwas, please patch up all my wounds as soon as possible, I have a ship to lead!" he asks, returning to seat normally.

"I've already administered all the medication needed, but for now you have to r…"

"No way, I will rest when the war is over and when the Normandy has its CO back. Please, give me all the medigel you can, I have to get up from here right now!" a terrible migraine is beginning to torment him, but he doesn't care, he just needs to be active again.

"Ok Major, I'll do my best", Chakwas knows how stubborn he is, so she gives up immediately and starts to do her job.

"Garrus, how's the situation at this moment?" Kaidan questions the Turian.

"Pretty rough. All the ground squad around the beam is being evacuated, because the Harbinger is shooting everywhere. I don't even know how Joker was able to fly away with this ship without being hit…"

"And… Shepard?" he can barely say her name.

Garrus sighs "Kaidan… We haven't had any communication from her since we left her down there…"

Alenko's heart stops for a while "No-nothing?" he stutters.

"No… But this should be a good sign – you know what they say _'bad news travels fast'_; besides it means that she reached the Citadel! She can do it, Kaidan!"

He tries to force back his tears "Yes, Garrus, she can…"

"Ok, Major. I've done everything I could to medicate you. I will not tell you anymore that you need rest, but please Alenko pay attention!" Chakwas gently pats his arm.

"I will, I promise Doctor. I need to take care of myself because I have to rescue Shepard!" he reassures her "Come on Garrus, we have a war to win!"

"Joker, how's it going here?" Kaidan has just entered in the cockpit.

"Kaidan! We finished with the evacuations, we're waiting for orders now!"

"What do you want us to do, Major?" EDI asks him.

Alenko brushes his nape, where his L2 implants are at: his migraine is getting worse, but he has to do something… "Joker, patch me all over the ship, I want to speak to everyone!"

The pilot fulfills his request "There you go!"

Kaidan takes a deep breath "To the whole crew, this is Major Alenko's speaking. I'm taking command of the Normandy for now, but this is Commander Shepard's ship and always will be!"

At his own words his stomach sting "Some of you have been with her since the beginning, others are quite new in her team… But every single one of you knows Shepard well and you all saw she always fought for our safety: against Saren, against Sovereign, against the Geth, against the Collector… and she never stopped, no matter what kind of problems she stumble upon; carrying out her duties with all her bravery and courage!"

He turns to look at Joker who's nodding silently "Now she is out there, somewhere in the Citadel, trying to find a way to finish this terrible war once and for all thanks to the Crucible… So, w…"

Suddenly a terrible rumble interrupts him and the ship starts to jolt, making Kaidan fall on the floor.

"Joker, what's happening?" he asks trying to get up.

"The Harbinger! Its shooting near the beam again!" the pilot yells.

'The beam? Goddamn no! Shepard!'

"Nor… ptzzzz… do y… opy?" a disturbed voice comes from the comm-link.

"This is Normandy!" Joker answers.

"…ndy this is Alli… peaking… you hav… ack off!"

"What? Back off? Are they kidding?" Kaidan totally astound says "No! Never!"

Joker doesn't look at him but shuts down the communication "Awww… I'm afraid the Harbinger has compromised our comm-link!"

EDI, who seated near him, intervenes "No Jeff, it still w…"

"Shhhhhhh EDI!" he stops her.

"Oh… I see…"

Alenko approaches the pilot again, leaning a hand on his shoulder "Joker…"

"Kaidan, there's no way we're leaving Shepard alone… Not after all we've been through together… Never! You know, we're not famous for following orders!" he winks "But now I think you need to finish your 'inspirational speech', Major!"

"Yeah, you're right…" he clears his voice "People of the Normandy! The Alliance wants us to back off from the battlefield! But this isn't going to happen!" his commanding tone is firm and persuasive.

"Shepard is out there alone, fighting for us and they want us to abandon her! There's no way! She would never abandon anyone of us! We need to find a way to support her, until we're able to rescue her! I need to know you're all with me in this now!"

A faint beep warns him that the door from the CIC is opening. James Vega enters the cockpit and stops in front of him, making the salute gesture "Sir, all the crew will follow you till the end. This war ends today and we're bringing our Commander back!"

Kaidan smiles relieved to the muscular soldier "Thank you, Lieutenant…"

"So, what we're going to do now, Major?" he asks.

"Unfortunately we can't reach Shepard at the Citadel, but there's something we can do to help her from here…" Alenko turn his attention again to Joker "Come on, your moment has finally arrived: show us your amazing piloting abilities! We're going to chase the Harbinger!"

"Oooooooooh yes! Great! It's time to dance, baby!" Joker exclaims excited.

"James, come with me!" Kaidan says leaving the cockpit "We're going to the Main battery to see if Garrus needs help with his Thanix cannon!"

They pass near a group of soldiers in the CIC and one of them noticed Alenko and yells, "For Shepard!"

Soon the rest of the people follows him saying "FOR SHEPARD! FOR SHEPARD!" making the Major standstill, amazed and moved.

'Can you hear them, Sharilin? All your crew is here for you. Do what you have to do, and then hang on: we'll bring you back home, my love!'


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_"Synthesis, Control, Destruction… It's your choice, Shepard!"_

'This must be another of my nightmares… This can't be real…'

Shepard is in front of a ghostly AI child that claims to be the Catalyst of the Crucible and trying to convince her to pick one of his solutions to end the war with the Reapers that are under his control.

She's exhausted, she lost a lot of blood from her injuries, all her body aches and her mind is in a mess: there's Anderson's words, the Illusive Man's words, the AI's words… even the Leviathan's words…

'What should I do?' she starts feeling desperate… Thousands… millions of people dying in this moment while she's there trying to find out which is the best choice for their safety.

'Why… why me? I'm just a soldier… I'm not the one who can decide the fate of the whole galaxy!' she wants to cry, she's all alone in this situation…

'Kaidan, I need you…'

"_Baby, I'm here" a well-known warm voice wakes her up from her thoughts: Kaidan appears in front of her, giving her one of his gorgeous smiles "You're never alone, I'm always with you my love…"_

"_Kaidan! I am so scared! I don't know what to do!" the tears are filling her eyes._

"_I am sure you'll find a way… You always do! I believe in you, baby…" _

"_And don't forget about us!" Garrus and Tali, her best friends, join him "We were with you all the time, through thick and thin – since the beginning. We know very well that you always make the right choices!" _

"_Oh, mates… I don't know if I can do it…" she's trembling._

"_Yes you can Laily!" her brotherly friend John comes out "Never forget that your family is looking at you from afar… You've got your mother's strength. Use it Laily!"_

"_Oh Johnny…" Shepard sobs._

"_Come on, Commander!" one on one, all the people that she met in her life and that fought with her flashes in front of her "We have faith in you!" _

"_Do you see, baby? your definitely not alone!" Kaidan raises his hand towards her "Now do what you have to do and then remember your promise… You need to return to me!" _

_She moves her arm to reach him "Kaidan… I love you…" _

The mirage ends and Shepard is calms down 'Ok, I can do this! And then I'll come back to where I belong!'

She turns her attention to the hologram of the AI, pointing her gun towards it "Ok 'Starchild'… I've listened to your words, now it's my turn to speak!"

"I am not a child, I use this form just to…" it tries to explain but she interrupts "I don't care about your bullshit! Nor I don't care about your fucking options!"

Shepard takes a deep breath "First! I'm not God, so I have no right to decide in changing the DNA of all the species of the galaxy, creating an unknown artificial hybrid race, erasing all the original features that distinguish anyone as individual! And specially making your Reapers walk and live among them!"

She's growling, shaking her weapon in the air "Second! There's no way I'm going to join your army of death… As I told to The Illusive Man, I am sure that controlling the Reapers isn't really possible: somehow I'll end up being indoctrinated and it will start all over again!"

"Indoctrinated?" the child's voice seems a little uncertain "I don't know what you're talking about. You'll become one of them and you'll be able to do the right thing for your kind!"

"Yeah, sure!" she replies sarcastic "Anyways… No thanks! So… Third! Since the beginning of my mission, my objective was 'destroy the Reapers' and that is what I have to do!"

"And are you going to do it, even if it would cost the lives of the Geth and other synthetics?" it questions her "In any case, you'll rebuild them, so the war between organics and inorganics would be just postponed…"

"Oh yes…" she sniggers nervously "So you're saying that to avoid this hypothetical war, it's better kill everybody before it starts! Goddamn, as an AI you really suck!"

"Every single time it's the same story, Shepard. Synthetics start to rebel against their creators and they end up killing each other. We want to prevent it, protecting the younger species…"

"Every time, uh uh? Exactly how you have done with your own creators, right?"

The hologram flicks subtle "How do you…?"

"I've met one of them! He was hiding on a remote planet… But don't play naïve with me: you know it! The Reapers where there too!"

The child moves a step towards her "I've been programmed to find a solution to end the conflict between organics and inorganics and our creators were the first that needed to be harvested."

Shepard sighs "You know… this is the difference between the Reapers and the Geth! You are all just machines without a soul and a conscience! You aren't able to think about the consequences of your actions, you just act automatically! When the Geth have proved they can ponder about their own deeds and evolve… They've already begun to cooperate with the organic life, as the AI of my ship, EDI. They all deserve to live, while you don't!"

"But you can't make the Crucible target just the Reapers" the AI states.

"Well, so I will find another solution! What about annihilating you for good?" she says aiming again her gun against it.

"You can't, I am just a hologram" it answers unmoved.

"Yes, but you've said you're the heart of the Citadel, so… Maybe I should to demolish all of it!"

Again, the image wobbles in front of her, this time more visibly: Shepard understands that she's hindering the Catalyst's plan, so she decides to carry on her hypothesis "Moreover, if you're the one who controls the Reapers, I am quite sure that if I wipe you out, they will end up being exterminated too! Am I wrong?"

The AI doesn't answer instead its hologram starts to fade in front of her eyes.

"_No, that's not possible!"_

A distant cavernous voice captures Shepard's attention "What…?"

"_She can't oppose to it!"_

She looks all around but there's no one just her along with the ghostly child.

"_It never failed!"_

"What the hell?!" Shepard asks irritated to the AI, but abruptly the floor under her feet begins to shake. She tries to keep her balance but without success, she falls on the ground, her head hits the cold metal and she faints defenseless.

* * *

"This option wasn't estimated! It never happened!"

Shepard groans as she starts to reopen her eyes confused.

"I need to recalculate all the variables!"

Her head aches so badly, but she raises her back from the floor and sits.

"No, it's impossible!"

After a moment of dizziness, she finally focuses her attention on what's going: she's back on the platform of the Citadel, together with Anderson's and The Illusive man's lifeless bodies.

"What…?" she's very upset.

"It's working as always. There's no mistake!" the unknown hollow voices is echoing in the air but there's nobody near Shepard.

"Who the hell is talking?" she yells "Show yourself!"

"There must be a new different variable! But how did it happened?" it continues, but no one appears.

The Commander is completely astonished by the situation, her sight wondering all over the place, then she notices a console in front of her: it should be the same that she interacted with to re-open the arms of the Citadel to allow the Crucible to work. But now it's surrounded by a flashing pillar of light, the holo-keyboard is bigger and it seems to be up and running by its own.

She manages to get up – hardly standing on her feet and limping she approaches it. As soon as she steps in the light, it triggers a violent reaction in her: all her muscles tense, her head falls back and she starts to scream.

Her mind is invaded by several terrible visions…

'_Images of the Reapers' war… No wait… They aren't the Reapers… They are Leviathan's ancestors! They are fighting against… machines? It's terrible… Destruction everywhere… Now… What's that? An explosion…? Oh God… Is it the Harbinger who's coming out from the fire?'_

Shepard can listen to her own desperate howls, but it's like she isn't in her body anymore, she's floating all over space…

'_Another war… with unknown species… Wait… Is that the Citadel? Yes it is… There's a person right where I should be right now… He's speaking, but I can't hear anything… What… He's getting decomposed! Oh God… Another Reaper is rising from his ashes… It's… Oh it's horrible!'_

Innumerable of similar sequences slips in front of her eyes and she's overwhelmed by the suffering of those individuals that ended up dissolved in a new Reaper. It's like she's taking over all the dying aliens that were there during each cycle, and she senses every single spike of pain they felt.

'_God please… Stop this… I can't carry on… It's too much… Its very agonizing…'_

A part of her mind tries to rebel against the torture to regain the control of her own body, but all her force is abandoning her. She keeps wailing helplessly then she notices a known face…

'_Oh… Javik? No… It's another Prothean… And… Oh shit… That newborn Reaper… Its Sovereign!'_

After the sight of the first Reaper she met and fought, the hallucination changed, the pain decreases but her heartbeat faster – maddened because now it's her own reminiscences: Saren, the battle of the Citadel, the crash of the Normandy SR-1, the Lazarus laboratory, the Illusive man, the Collector's base, the Leviathan…

Suddenly her own image appears in front of Shepard: she's shattered and bleeding, her armor is blackened, dirty and destroyed, the expression on her face is exasperated and sure at the same time. She stares at herself for a while, feeling her limbs slowly relax as the ache vanishes… Afterwards the pillar of light explodes, ending the vision and slamming her body to the floor.

Shepard lies there motionless, her eyes closed, her breathing irregular… No noises around her, even the mysterious voice disappeared…

'It's all bright and clear. I know what I have to do…' she thinks calm. She gets up on her feet and turns to face again the console. Her right hand clenches in a fist as she approaches it, and she concentrate all her biotics in it. When she's right in front of the panel, she inhales deeply, swallows hard… then she gathers her remaining strength and with a sharp growl she hurls all her power on the keyboard.

"How… bzzz… ould sh… pfzzz… resis…" the cavernous voice speaks for one last time right before her punch destroys the console.

"You will never be able to understand, you're just a machine…" Shepard answers, seating on the floor exhausted "Yes, you will never understand…" she whispers.

She smiles looking at the view in front of her, the same view she was admiring with Anderson a while ago 'I've made it, Kaidan… And now I'll be back to you, my love…' she thinks relieved.  
But all at once the Citadel starts to tremble violently. Scared, she stands up just in time to notice that all the place is crushing down.

"Oh no! Wh…" she can't finish her sentence when a floating debris knocks her and immediately her sight goes dark.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Cold. It's very cold.

There's a smell of dust and burnt all over the place and muffled noises coming from the distance.

But the cold is the most unbearable feeling.

That cold that soaks into the skin, flows through the muscles and takes the bones into a chill grip…

That kind of cold that doesn't allow trembling because it's so painful…

That cold is what wakes Shepard up from her state of unconsciousness.

'What…?'

She can't remember anything… There's just that terrible cold.

'Where… am… I…?'

Her eyes start to open slowly, but her sight is completely blurry… is the place entirely dark?

'I have… to… get… up…'

She tries to lift her back to sit but the restrains of the cold are holding her firm on her spot.

'It… hurts… But… I have… to…'

All her body is frozen, she can't move any of her muscles. She can't even sense her limbs…

'What…?'

She closes her eyes again to focus all her attention on her legs, but nothing happens.

'Am… I… trapped…?'

Her arms don't want to follow her commands either.

'Oh… no…'

The fear is beginning to overcome her so she takes a deep breath but there's something that prevents the raising of her bust, making her breath get caught in her throat.

'I can't…'

Her head is so heavy…

'No… I must… do… something…'

She attempts to shift her arms again and with all her efforts she finally manages to raise her right hand: hardly it start to wonder around her, finding obstacles all over its way.

'Oh shit… I am really trapped…'

A sudden rumble immediately followed by a tremor, warns Shepard that something very big has just fallen near her. All at once the memories of what she just been through recently invades her mind.

'Yes… I've destroyed the Citadel… Now it's falling into pieces… It must be fallen debris and I must be somewhere on Earth… Trapped…'

She remembers the distress she felt during the vision she had from the console. She wants to cry and scream, but her mouth is dry and her eyes are aching.

'Am I… lost…?'

Her exploring hand reaches something small and sharp… A faint tinkling allows her to recognize it: Kaidan's dog tags are still hanging over her neck.

'My love…'

She grabs them, resting her hand on the small part of her chest free from all the rubble that is smashing against her body.

'Kaidan… I am sorry…'

The reminiscence of their last moments together assails her…

"_Sharilin, please… Don't leave me behind again…"_

His gorgeous whiskey colored eyes full of despair, his dark eyebrows knitted, his hand aimed towards her…

'I… I had to do it… I had to leave him…'

Her breath is kept in her lungs while the guilt she feels flows through her veins.

'I am so sorry…'

Her hand tightens around his dog tags. The dog tags he gave her the last night they spent together, after they made love in their bed… She exchanged them with her own…

'Is he holding mine too, now?'

It was right before they entered in the Illusive Man's base… There were hungry kisses, heated caresses, strong embraces, and thousands words full of love and anguish. His soft lips were damp by his own tears and her hands were shaking as they grabbed his back, pulling his toned body against hers.

'God… I love him so much…'

A sting of pain hits Shepard and she starts to cough: her tongue tastes like rust…

'Am I dying…?'

Again her thoughts go to Kaidan.

"_When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You better show up…"_

That was what she told him…

'No… I can't die! I've promised to come back to him!'

She isn't able to stop the blood coming out from her mouth.

'I can't leave him, I can't… He needs me!'

Her pharynx is burning like hell…

'I've accomplished all my duties… All my life was dedicated to my missions… Now the war is over… The galaxy is safe…'

She can't inhale…

'I don't want to die! I want to live my life with the man I love… I deserve this… We both do!'

Her head is spinning around…

'Kaidan…'

She's sensing helplessness from the cold overwhelming her, as all her strength is abandoning her…

'I… want… to live… with him…'

Her grasp on the dog tags is weakening…

'I have… to stay… awake… or… I'll never… wake up… again…'

* * *

_All the noises are gone… There's peace all around, just the sound of the sea that cradles Shepard… She opens her eyes and the sun almost glares her. She's lying on the white sand, the tepid waters stroking her skin._

"_Am I at the beach? But… how is it possible?" she asks herself astonished, as she notices she's wearing a bikini._

_While she's slowly getting up on her feet, she hears a distant call "Shariliiiin!"_

_She turns towards the source of the husky voice "Kaidan?" her lover is running in her direction. Seeing him with just a swimsuit on makes her blush shyly._

"_There you are, baby!" he takes her in his arms, cuddling her lovingly._

"_Kaidan… where are we?" she asks confused._

"_We're at the beach! Don't you remember? I've promised you I'd take you here when the war was over!" he brushes her wet hair._

"_Oh… So… is the war over?" she can't believe it._

"_Of course it is. We've exterminate all the Reapers and then we came here for our honeymoon!" he kisses her forehead._

"_Honeymoon?" she asks surprised._

"_Yes baby, by tradition after two people get married, they leave for their honeymoon…"_

"_Married?!" she pulls herself out of his embrace and she observes her right hand: a shining silver band is adorning her ring finger "But… when…"_

_He smirks "Right before our child has born!"_

_She returns to face him, upset "Our… child? Kaidan… what are you talking about?"_

_He doesn't respond, he just points at her chest. She follows his indication and her heart almost stops: she's carrying a newborn in her arms. The baby is smiling at her, his thin dark curls shaking at the soft wind, his small caramel colored eyes glimpsing curious at her as she brushes bashfully the dimple in his chin._

"_Oh… my God… he's so perfect…" she sobs moved._

_Kaidan comes near her again "Like his mother…" he states, kissing her cheek._

_Shepard stares at him crying "But… but why can't I remember anything?"_

"_Because it never happened."_

"_What…?" immediately she turns to look at their child, but he disappears together with her wedding ring. She frowns terrified "What… Kadain! What's going on!"_

_When she focuses her attention on him again, she groans horrify: he's wounded, his blue armor suit bloodstained. Little by little a chill darkness takes the place of the paradisiacal beach._

"_Nooooo please! Kaidan!" she tries to desperately reach him but she can't move "Why? WHY?!"_

"_Because you're dying, Sharilin…" he answers gloomy._

"_No! I don't want to die! I want… I NEED all of those things! Please…" she bawls "I want to marry you, I want our child, I want to live! I want to live with you!"_

"_If you really want that your wishes will become true…"_

"_Oh yes, I want that, please…" she begs him weeping._

_Kaidan smiles at her "Then you need to wake up, my love! Wake up and hold on until I come to rescue you!"_

"_All right, I will Kaidan… Come and find me!"_

_He holds out his hand to caress her "Hold on, Sharilin… I'm almost there…"_

"_Kaidaaaaaan!"_

Shepard wakes up listening to her own screams "Kaidan!"

Her eyes are wide open, but she's still not able to see anything around her. Her fingers never stopped to grip Kaidan's dog tags.

"Oh, my love… You're right… I have to resist… I've promised it to you…" she murmurs.

Her heart is beating faster and faster and when she senses again that terrible cold trying to subdue her, warmth starts to spread over her chest, chasing it away.

"Yes… I can do it… I have… to wait…" she's confident and all the fear has gone.

But abruptly a new concern sweeps through her: she's trapped under tons of rubbles, somewhere else in London – well she thinks she's in London…

So how could Kaidan find her?

Does she have to shout? No, it can't be of any help… There's that noise of…

'Wait… There're no more dins… Did the debris finished falling on Earth?' she thinks relieved. That's good! Anyways, the problem is still there.

'What should I do?' Shepard knows that somehow Kaidan will manage to rescue her, but it could take too much time: she's determined not to die, not here and not today. But she knows she's too badly injured to carry on for so long without medical attention…

She holds the dog tags tight in her hand, trying not to think about her aching body and focusing her mind to remember Kaidan's features: his thick dark eyebrows, his breathtaking brown eyes, his perfect nose, his soft lips, his sent, his salt and peppers curls… Oh how she likes to dig her fingers between them, as he leans his head on her thighs. Every night, before they go to sleep, he rests like that, while she sings to him one of her love songs. In those moments, the look on his handsome face is so quiet and happy… He really enjoys listening to her.

"_Your voice is the most beautiful and sweet sound of the entire galaxy, Sharilin… Nothing else compares to it…"_

He repeated it so many times… And this made her so glad, that she kept composing new songs for him, just for him…

'Maybe… Maybe I should sing now?' she questions herself. Well, singing is surely less wearing than screaming… And it should help her relax and endure even in that situation. Plus, she knows that Kaidan will be able to recognize her voice from afar…

'Ok, that's it!'

Shepard closes her eyes and begins her song.

- Lost in the darkness  
Hoping for a sign  
Instead there's only silence  
Can't you hear my screams?

Never stop hoping  
Need to know where you are  
But one thing's for sure  
You're always in my heart -

'Yes Kaidan, you're always there…'

- I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul -

'I am here, Kaidan…'

- Lost in the darkness  
Try to find your way home  
I want to embrace you  
And never let you go

Almost hope you're in heaven  
So no one can hurt your soul  
Living in agony  
Cause I just do not know  
Where you are -

'Are you coming here, my love?'

- Wherever you are  
I won't stop searching  
Whatever it takes me to know

I'll find you somewhere  
I'll keep on trying  
Until my dying day  
I just need to know  
Whatever has happened  
The truth will free my soul -

'Come and find me, Kaidan'

* * *

**NOTE: Shepard's song is "Somewhere" by Within Temptation.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

"EDI! What happened!?" Kaidan's yelling desperate but the AI doesn't answer.

There's been a huge boom from somewhere else and now the Normandy is shaking dangerously.

"EDI! Do you copy?" the Major is running in the CIC towards the cockpit, but his pace is delayed from the jolts of the ship.

Finally he manages to enter "Joker! How's the situation? EDI doesn't …" the words die on his lips: the scene that appears in front of him is so damn terrible! The room is badly damaged, there's scraps of metal floating everywhere, and Kaidan has to secure himself to the door because of the airstream coming from the cracks in the windows.

"Joker! Jokeeer! JOOOOKER!" he calls when he notices the pilot still tied at his wreaked seat "Please, speak to me!"

"Kaidan I am so sorry… I wasn't able to avoid the Harbinger's beam…" Joker tells him with a guilty and gloomy tone. He's still moving his hands on what remained of the controls in the ship "The Normandy is going crash to the ground, I need to do something…"

"Joker! Come here! Don't be stupid!" Alenko is getting angry "It's not your fault! But please, don't do this, not again! COME HERE!"

"Jef… ave got this… lease… ollow the Maj… can land safet… don't need your hel…" EDI's voice comes out jammed from the comm-link.

"No… I have… to…" the pilot stammers.

Kaidan can't stand it anymore: thanks to Joker's stubbornness Shepard died 2 years and a half ago when the Collectors attacked the Normandy SR-1. Her sacrifice shouldn't be wasted. So he supports his feet against the floor, he grabs firmly to the doorframe with his left hand and with the right one he releases his biotics, pulling the pilot's seat with all his strength. When it arrives by his side, he punches the holo-lock and the door shuts closed, freeing them from the airstream.

"No Kaidan! I…" Joker tries to rebel.

Kaidan's chest is full of rage "SHUT UP JOKER! YOU WILL NOT…" but again he can't finish his speech, because he's now able to observe his friend. He's seriously injured, there's a lot of blood coming out of his wounds and looking at the unnatural stance of his body, several of his bones might be broken.

"Oh shit, Joker…" he immediately approaches him, trying to help him get more comfortable.

"I failed… The Normandy has been damaged… And EDI's body… has been thrown out of the window…" the pilot is crying helpless but a strong bump cuts him off: the ship has finally touched ground.

Kaidan sighs with relief "Joker, please, calm down. The Normandy has just landed safely thanks to EDI. And don't mind about her body: her core is safe, THIS is what's important!"

"I am… maged but… m all righ… Jef…" EDI confirms.

"Now let's think about your injuries!" he activates his comm-link "Doctor Chakwas come to the cockpit, Joker is hurt!"

Soon the doctor arrives along with Specialist Traynor who helps her to medicate the pilot along with Alenko. Suddenly there's another shake that rocks through the Normandy, like something very big has just collapsed near them.

"What the hell?" Kaidan curses worried.

"Maj… or… you'v… o loo…" EDI calls him and the door of the cockpit opens: all the soldiers got caught by surprised on their spot at the sight of the Harbinger's lifeless body down in front of them.

Before anyone was able to react the noise of several distant explosions echo all around them. Kaidan jumps to approach the window to see what's going on.

"Oh my God… She did it! SHEPARD DID IT!" he cries out, feeling the tears fill his eyes "All the Reapers… They been switched off and they're crushing and exploding to the ground!"

Screams of joy invade the air, both from inside and outside the Normandy "The war is over! We win!"

Kaidan's thoughts are all for his love 'Sharilin… I knew you were going to succeed!' but when he turns to look towards the sky, blood freezes in his veins. The Citadel is falling into pieces.

"SHEPARD!" the horror in his tone alarms the people near him.

"What's happening Major?" Traynor questions him worried.

"The Citadel… Shepard…" he stammers helplessly.

EDI tries to help him "The Citad… s getting destroye… nd the debri… alling on Ear…"

Alenko is trembling, stuck in front of the window until Joker's voice calls him back "Kaidan! You have to find her!"

He looks at him, his face twisted by anguish and fear "I…"

"Kaidan! Wake up! She must be somewhere down there! RUN!" Joker urges him.

Kaidan finally stirs himself "You're right! I must go!"

"Yes! There's a Kodiak left in the Shuttle bay. Unfortunately, Cortez is not aboard but Vega is! Take with you all the soldiers you can to help you find her and Doctor Chakwas too!"

Alenko stares at him doubtfully "But you're…"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Traynor will help me. Shepard will need the doctor more than me!" Joker continues "Kaidan, there's no way she's going die again because of me. Go out and bring back our Commander alive! HURRY!" The look in his face is so serious that Kaidan just nods to him and starts to run towards the elevator.

* * *

Rubbles… dust… fire… and more rubble…

Miles and miles of streets covered by the debris of the Citadel, along with several scattered corpses.

Major Alenko and his squad are looking everywhere to find Shepard. He's patrolling the northern zone, while Garrus, Tali and Liara are leading different teams of soldiers in other areas and James is overflying the place on the Kodiak with Doctor Chakwas aboard.

The noises of the Reapers' getting destroyed had finally ended, so there's just the sound of all their voices calling their Commander's name.

Kaidan is moving faster than ever, his biotics working hard pulling, lifting, and throwing all the obstacles on his way. Every lifeless body he notice makes his heart bump wildly in his chest because of the fear he had to see his lover's face on it…

"How's it going down there, Major?" Vega asks through the comm-link.

Kaidan stops for a moment trying to calm down his erratic breath "We just finish to patrol all the north-west area, but there were no hints of Shepard"

He inhales deeply, his left hand moving to his neck where her dog tags hang down. He brushes the letters that form her name sighing 'I'll find you my love!'

A young soldier approaches him "Are you all right, Major?"

"Yes, I am…?" he questions him.

"Corporal Harris, sir" the boy gives him the salute gesture.

"Thanks, Corporal."

"I beg your pardon, sir. But we're here for about… four hours! Shouldn't we just give up? I mean…"

"Give up?!" Kaidan can't believe his words, but he doesn't have the time to react, because something hits the man's shoulder strongly, making him fall on the floor.

"YOU BOSH'TET!" Tali appears behind him "HOW DO YOU DARE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!"

Harris stares at her amazed.

"Keelah! Shepard saved us all! More than once! And now you want us to abandon her! ARE YOU CRAZY, HUMAN?"

"I… I…"

"You know… You have to go away! We don't need you, bosh'tet! Now get lost, before the Major or I punch you in the face… IMMEDIATELY!" she yells at the shocked soldiers, who gets up and starts running.

Kaidan watched the scene amazed "Tali…"

"Come on Kaidan. We've got a job to do!"

He nods "Yes, tha…"

"You don't have to thank me Kaidan" she cuts him off "I know you love her, but I love her too… Keelah! She's my best friend, I don't want to lose her either!" her voice trembles.

"You're right, Tali. And you know she loves you too…" Kaidan is aware of the strong friendship that binds the two women. Shepard grew fond of the young Quarian since the beginning, she's her first true female friend and they would do anything to help each other.

Alenko and Tali return to explore the rubbles, but after a while the man begins to feel hopeless. Maybe that damned soldier said the truth; so much time has passed by without any clues about Shepard.

Kaidan hurls a stone on the ground growling frustrated and soon his head starts to spin around and his legs shake.

"Kaidan?" Tali gets near him just in time to avoid him falling on his back.

"Goddamn!" he curses, "The medigel the doctor applied on my wounds is draining out all its anesthetic…"

"You should rest… You've spent all your strength abusing all your biotics!" she tells him worried.

"Tali, you know I can't stop… I have to find her… Just… I don't know how…" he tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

'Sharilin, my love… Where are you?' he thinks, but in that moment a far and faint sound captures his attention.

- … ind you somewhere… -

Kaidan jumps on his feet "Wait… Did you hear that Tali?"

"What Kaidan?"

"Shhhh!" he puts his index finger on his lips, concentrating on what he just heard.

- … keep on trying  
Until my dying day… -

"Oh my God… That's Shepard's voice!" he frees himself from Tali and rushes towards the source of the song.

- … just need to know  
Whatever has happened … -

The Quarian tries to keep up with his pace but he's almost flying over the debris.

"SHARILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" he shouts with all the air he has in his lugs.

- The truth will free my soul… -

Finally he reaches a pile of rocks that surrounds a dark hollow in the ground. His heart almost explodes in his chest: there she is, trapped but alive!

"Sharilin! Sharilin, baby!" he calls her as he slowly climbs down.

"Kaidan… is… that… you?" she stammers.

"Yes, baby, is me!" he arrives near her, sliding his left hand behind her head and raising it gently.

"Oh… there… you… are…" she tries to smile, but her face twist painfully.

"Sure, Sharilin! I never ever want to lose you again!" he says to her, trying to hold back the tears that are fighting hardly to come out from his eyes.

"Keelah! Shepard!" Tali overlooks from beyond the hole and immediately activates her comm-link "This is an announcement to all the teams! WE FOUND SHEPARD! But she's trapped we need help to free her from the rubbles! Please can all the soldiers come to our position!"

"We're on our way, Tali!" Garrus confirms.

"James! Do you copy? Fly in here with Doctor Chakwas! HURRY!" the Quarian continues.

"Roger that, Sparks!" James responds exultant.

"To all the squads, I repeat: WE FOUND THE COMMANDER!"

Alenko glimpses terrified at Shepard's body, smashed and bloodstained, squeaking by his curses. With his hands he tries to estimate in the dark how badly her condition is.

"I knew… you… would… find… me…" a tinkle accompanies her words: her free hand is grabbing Kaidan's dog tags over her chest.

"Don't worry my love, we're going to rescue you now!" he entwines his fingers with hers.

"Did… you… see… I've… kept… my promise…" she glances at him, her sky-blue eyes very dull.

"Yes, baby. I knew you were going to succeed!" he brushes her nape: most of her hair is burnt.

"Now… it's… your turn… to…" a cough interrupts her: she's sweating blood.

Kaidan is overtaken by fear "You're right, Sharilin. I swear, I'll look for the most beautiful and amazing beach of all Earth and I'll take you there. Please, just hold on a little more baby!"

"Oh… I am… so tired…" she's going to faint.

"No, love, please! Hang on! Don't give up! Not now! Please!" he starts to cry desperate "Tali has already called for reinforcements! Please, baby! Stay with me! Please!"

"Tali… Is my Tali… here… too?" she asks with a smirk.

"Yes, she is above us. And Garrus, Liara, Vega, Chakwas…" the tears are falling from his face like a waterfall "They are all coming here! Please baby hold on a few more minutes! PLEASE!"

"Y-y-yes…" she stutters.

"Kaidan! The shuttle just landed!" Tali warns him from outside.

Alenko lifts his head toward the hole "Great! Tell Chawkas to join us there, immediately! Come on, my love, it's over now… You…" but when he turns to look to Shepard, her eyes are closed and her body motionless.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

The walls of the hospital are cold as ever. The room is silence while the beeps of the monitors echo around the room.

Kaidan is staring outside the window, and in front of his eyes there's the view of his hometown. Vancouver has been badly damaged, but thankfully it's still inhabitable. Not like London that is completely destroyed…

After what happened in the British capital they had to fly here because this was the best medical structure available at the moment and they needed all the help possible to save her.

HER.

The Commander Shepard.

The First Human Spectre…

The Savior of the galaxy…

His soul mate…

Kaidan turns to look at the bed near him. She's lying there immobile, wearing a dark gown and his dog tags hanging down her neck.

He sighs shifting on his seat by her side, taking her right hand in his.  
"What a pity… This is the second time that we are together in my city and again you don't want to talk to me Sharilin…" he tells her, remembering the day of the Reapers' attack, when they met at the Alliance Headquarters for the first time after Horizon.

"Come on, baby…" he knows it's useless but he still tries anyways. She's unconscious ever since she fainted under the rubble.

Kaidan's memories about what happened that evening are very confused, because of the shock and the fear of losing her. But he remembers so well the terrible state of Shepard's body when they finally managed to remove the debris that was trapping her. All that was under her waist together with her left shoulder and arm was so smashed that they could barely distinguish her limbs from the mud among the rubble. That sight was beyond imagination, several soldiers felt sick in front of it and Tali burst out crying.

Kaidan felt drained from all his living force, his breath caught in his throat, as he raised delicately his lover into his arms. Doctor Chakwas' expression was incredulous and appalled at the same time, while she was controlling the Commander's vital functions with her omni-tool, but her words gave him a new hope, allowing him to inhale again.

"_That's impossible… she's still alive! No human being should be able to survive with 83% of the organs destroyed like that! But her brain is still working… and her heart… God her heartbeats are so strong! We need to take her to a hospital ASAP!"_

As they lifted off from the ground aboard of the Kodiak, she started to speak with someone at her comm-link and suddenly she ordered Vega to fly straight to Vancouver, because there was an entire medical team waiting for Shepard there.

Their trip seemed to be endless. There was a chilly silence in the shuttle while the doctor was medicating the Commander.

When they finally arrived in Vancouver they landed on the rooftop of an unarmed building – this hospital. Miranda Lawson was there with several assistants and a stretcher ready for the patient. Kaidan went out of the Kodiak and reluctant lied down Shepard's body that he held desperately during all the time.

The last thing he remembers was the reassuring tone of the ex-official of Cerberus.

"_Major Alenko don't worry, I was prepared for this. I've spent more than 2 years of my life rebuilding her, there's no way I'm allowing her to die again, not today!"_

After that, the strain and the loss of blood from his own wounds, he fell down exhausted on the floor.

The next couple of days he stayed in a bed to recover from his injuries, but Garrus, Tali, Liara and Vega updated him all the time about Shepard's state. It seems that all the damned cybernetic implants that Cerberus installed in her body to revive her during the Lazarus project was the only reason on why she survived all those hours in that inhumane condition.

Ironically, after all the pain for her death almost 3 years ago, all the hate for Cerberus, and for what they did to her… now Kaidan has to be grateful that it happened!

Miss Lawson and Doctor Chakwas had worked hard on her terrible wounds for 2 months, using several prosthesis to piece together all her bones and installing brand new implants that worked at the top to allow her body to recover faster, every second of healing was essential for her survival.

After two weeks he was able to get up so he went immediately to visit her, but all he could do was to see her from behind the glass of the tank that was bearing her. Day by day he observed her muscles and her skin being rebuilt by the nanomachines produced by her new cybernetics.

Miranda explained to him that she was already creating those new implants because she was aware that Shepard would risk her life to defeat the Reapers. In fact, right after the Crucible was completed, she came here to Vancouver and she set up secretly all the necessary to assist her once the war would be over.

Kaidan listened to her speechless, he knew that her and Shepard had some problems of fraternization at the beginning of their mission against the Collectors and at last they ended up becoming close to each other. But this… her concern and her far-sightedness… He would never be able to thank her enough. When he tried to tell that to her, she reacted similar to Tali, interrupting him.

"_As I said the first day, I could never allow her to waste the time I've spent to revive her!"_

Her acid pitch slowly turned being moved.

"_The Commander is an extraordinary human being… She deserves to live and to be happy, and I'm doing whatever it is in my power to make it possible. I owe her at least that much."_

Kaidan caresses Shepard's cheek gently "You know how to make people love you baby, don't you?" he smiles. His fingers move to brush her mahogany hair that Tali just styled in a lovely bob cut.

"It grows fast… is that thanks to the implants too?" he questions but again he doesn't receive any answers.

It's about two and a half weeks since she has been carried out of the recovery room, with her body finally 'out of danger'. Kaidan hardly left her bedside and when he did it was just to visit Joker who's been hospitalized there too. But no matter what he does Shepard still in coma.

Chakwas and Miss Lawson tried three times to force her awakening, but she always reacted negatively risking a cardiac arrest. During those attempts her electroencephalogram recorded a strange anomaly: there were tracings of several different cerebral waves other then hers. No one was able to explain what that meant, so they decided to not try it anymore.

Kaidan is terribly concerned for her even if the doctor keeps telling him that she will make it and that she'll wake up when her mind heals too.

'Her mind?' Kaidan doesn't know what she had been trough during her last fight on the Citadel… Is it possible that she DOESN'T WANT to wake up, because of the pain and the suffering she felt there?

No, it can't be…

One tear drops from his eyes "Sharilin, please… What should I do to make you come back to me?"

Suddenly, the memory of one lovely night in their cabin floods into him… Shepard was wrapped in his arms and while his hands were caressing her soft skin of her back, she began to speak.

"_Since I… I started my journey with the Cerberus crew I always had problems getting sleep, so I spent many nights watching old vids. EDI, with her curiosity about human behavior helped me find a lot of interesting movies in the extranet …_

"_They were mostly love stories, especially after Horizon… I was 'addicted' to the vids where the protagonist gives up everything for his or her partner until the sacrifice of one's life… and then some kind of miracle brings him/her back from death… the 'miracle of love'…_

"_Yeah… 3 years ago hearing me talk about such things like that would be nothing less than weird… But when I woke up in the Lazarus lab… There was only pain, noises, and loneliness… Then YOU weren't there. I started to move and fight against mechs with only Miranda's voice in my ears telling me what to do and where to go to escape from that hell…_

"_And then… They told me that I died on the Normandy that I woke up after 2 years, that all my friends... and that YOU thought I was dead… I felt my head empty and my knees shaking. I've lost 2 years of my life! I was dead and Cerberus rebuilt me just because they NEEDED me to fight and save humanity again… they wanted to USE me! I HATED that thought!_

"_After I met you on Horizon… When the anger and the suffering faded… Watching those old movies made me wonder about how it would be reborn for love, reborn only for you… That was the only thing I ever wanted…"_

His heart almost jumped out from his chest listening her last lines.

Now he can't avoid himself and he starts to cry hopelessly "Sharilin, baby…" he sobs "Return to life! Do it for me… Like the old movies that you loved so much… It's time now to make your dream come true!"

He puts his hand on her chest, right above her heart and he brushes her forehead with his lips moist with his own tears "My only true love, I'm here… I need you… I'm lost without you… Please… Come back to me!"

* * *

_Quiet… Silence…_

_Where am I? Who am I?_

_And the other people? Are they finally gone? They scared me so much…_

_No more pain… I… I like that…?_

_It's strange… No more pain… No more of any other feeling… Is that what I want?_

_I am tired… So tired… Maybe I can finally rest…_

_But… There's something wrong…_

_Wait… Warmth? Where does it come from?_

_A voice… A husky and sweet voice… A voice that I used to love so much… Is that voice calling me?_

_Am I not done anymore? Does anyone need me? Do I need someone?_

_I can't understand…_

_Warmth… Warmth on my chest?_

_I'm breathless… I need to breath… I need that warmth… I need that voice…_

_I need…_

_I need…_

_I NEED HIM!_

Shepard slowly opens her eyes. She's very confused, she doesn't know where she is and why… But soon she understands which was the source of that warmth, a bunch of salt and peppers curls are resting on her chest.

"Kai… dan…" she murmurs.

Immediately he raises his head to look at her, his own eyes swollen for all the tears "Oh my God… SHARILIN!"


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

Kaidan's heart is beating faster than ever staring at Shepard who's waking up finally from her coma.

"H-hi…" she stutters.

"Oh… my…" he's completely shocked "You… you are… awake…"

"Y-yes…" she looks confused.

They both fall in silence for a while. Alenko doesn't know what to do…

'She came back to me…'  
After all those weeks spent praying and crying for this to happen, now he's overwhelmed by the emotion and starts to tremble astonished on his seat.

Shepard glances at him with her sleepy sky-blue eyes and she finally speaks again "I… I… heard… your voice… You… were calling… me…"

He opens his mouth but no words exits from it.

"I knew… I had… to wake… up…" her throat is dry.

Kaidan can't stop his tears "You… are you…"

Her eyebrows tense, her expression is moved "Kaidan… I'm here…"

"Oh my love…" he sobs uncertain "You… Did you really… Did you return to life for me?"

"Kaidan…" their sights are locked "I… I… missed… you…" she smiles shyly.

"God Sharilin…" he finally gets up from the chair "You have no idea how much I missed you…"

He intertwines their fingers delicately "This is not a dream, is it?"

Shepard inhales deeply "No Kaidan… it isn't… just… kiss me…"

His stomach quivers in his belly, he longed to taste her again all this time, but now he's afraid to hurt her, she seems to be so fragile and…

"Please… Kaidan…" she begs.

He frowns as all his willpower weakens at her words and slowly leans his head to join his lips with hers. He touches her softly caressing her left cheek with his hand. His tongue traces gently the shape of her lips that are pliable at his own, opening slightly and allowing him to savor her warmth. Shepard melts down to their kiss that is more passionate and sweet of all those she ever had seen in her vids and she gives a compliant moan when her lover ends it, resting his forehead on hers.

They're both crying, their salty tears blended on their faces – their hot breaths are getting lost into each other. Shepard sighs relieved "I love you… so much…"

"I love you too, Sharilin" he brushes the tip of her nose with his "Thank God you made it… I … I was completely lost without you…"

"I could… never… ever… leave you… again…" she reassures him, raising her right hand to his cheek "I… belong… to you…"

"Oh yes and never forget that my love…" Kaidan is beginning to appease himself.

Soon he realizes that he has to warn the doctors about her awakening "Baby, how do you feel?"  
"Well… I am… thirsty…" she admits.  
He goes immediately at the table in front of her bed to take a glass of water and a straw, but when she finishes her drink, all at once her features convulsed.

"What… I… I can't…" she falters scared.

"Sharilin! What's happening?" Kaidan asks concerned.

"I… I can't move!" her eyes open wide "Oh God… I can't even sense… my left arm… and my legs!"

"My love, you're confused. Just..."

"NO I'm not! Why is it…WHY!" she breaks out desperate, her head shaking wildly. The medical machineries begin to resonate louder and her heart is beating faster and erratic.

"Baby, Please! Calm down!" Kaidan is terrified "Please! I'm going to call…"

Abruptly the door of the room opens, Miranda Lawson rushes towards the bed "What's going on… Shepard!" she exclaims surprised.

The Commander glimpses at her amazed too "Miranda…?"

"Shepard you're awake! But…" she focuses her attention at the monitors worried "What…?"

"My limbs! I can't sense them!" the Commander shouts at her.

"Oh Shepard calm down, it's all right!" Miranda turns to look at her again, her expression now relaxed.

"What…? NO! I can't!"

"YES YOU CAN! Or else you're going to have a cardiac attack!" her tone is serious and commanding "You're going to use your arms and your legs again, I swear so don't worry! Now PLEASE CALM DOWN!" she states gesticulating.

Shepard follows her order and the beeps of the machineries return to normal. Kaidan feels all his muscles loosen up: he doesn't noticed that they tensed up because of the fear.

"Thank you, Miss Lawson."

"Miranda… Why are you here…?" the Commander questions her friend.

"Listen, now we need to examine you and then we'll answer to all your questions!" she activates her comm-link "Doctor Chakwas? Shepard is awake. Come to her room please!"

"Oh… Chakwas is here too?" she asks surprised.

"Of course she is!" Lawson turns to look at Kaidan "Now please Major, leave us alone… we…"

"NO! He has to stay here!"

"But Shepard…" the young woman tries to object.

"He is my other half. I NEED him!" she states, making Alenko's heart bump wildly in his chest and Miranda puffs "Ok, so be it!"

* * *

"All right Commander, your vital parameters are good. You have a very strong heart!" Doctor Chakwas gently pats on her shoulder.

"Thank you, so…" Shepard tries to ask more but Miranda interrupts her "You were badly injured, Shepard!" and she starts to describe how most of her body has been smashed by the debris. Kaidan swallows hard and painfully remembering that awful scene… he will never be able to forget it for the rest of his life.

"We had to rebuild entirely your left arm and your legs, but we had to make all your organ functional again at 100% too and that was our priority. That's why you aren't able to sense any movement of your limbs. I've calibrated your brand new implants to give them superiority for your survival."

The Commander listened to her carefully "I see… and now?"

"Now Doctor Chakwas will do more close tests and then if everything it's alright I'll change the settings of your cybernetics to begin stimulating your muscles. But of course this will not be enough, the upcoming next months you'll have to work hard to gain full control of your new body."

"But anyways, I'll be able to move again as I used to do?"

"Indeed, even better than before. The new implants I've created for you are extremely powerful than those of the Lazarus project!" the ex Cerberus officer asserts very proud.

Shepard sighs relieved "Thank you so much…"

"Beware, Commander, this is the last time I'm going to spend my time resurrecting you! Please, can you now take care of your third new life or you're going to deal with me!" Miranda stares at her with her icy-grey eyes gravely.

"I don't intend to die anymore!" she chuckles "Thank you again, Miranda… But how did you…"

"Officially I'm the only descendant of Henry Lawson so I have the control of all his proprieties now" she explains "I've decided to take advantage of his funds to do something useful to set right all his mistakes along with my sister. My first task was to develop new implants for you, Commander. I knew you were going to do something dangerous and not caring for your own safety, you're so hasty!"

Shepard laughs heartily "Yeah, you know me so well! So, thank you again Miranda. You're an amazing precious friend."

Kaidan almost gulps surprised. For the first time he's seeing the glacial woman smiling "It's an honor for me to help you, Shepard."

After they share this moment of commotion, Doctor Chakwas intervenes "Anyway Commander, there's something else we have to talk about. We've tried to wake you up from your unconsciousness state more than once, but every time it we tried an anomaly occurred."

"An… anomaly?" Shepard asks surprised.

Alenko jumps on his spot "Is it necessary now, doctor? She's been through a lot, she's just…"

"Wait Kaidan, I need to know" she stops him.

"Shepard" the doctor continues, "Your electroencephalogram recorded the tracings of several different cerebral waves other than yours. It was like there were hundreds of other entities in your own mind…"

"Entities… in… my mind…" she repeats as her eyebrows slowly tense.

Alenko is caught again by a dreadful fear. Her gaze is becoming dull and spent; her skin is so pale…

"Sharilin…?" he calls her quivering but she doesn't respond.

All at once her face twists in an awful expression, her eyes open wide and her mouth begins to voice inhuman sounds that rumble all over the room.

They all freeze on their spot, totally astonished by her reaction as she carries on with her wails. She's speaking in different unknown foreign languages changing each time the tone of her voice… No, that isn't her voice!

"What the hell…" Kaidan is very worried "Sharilin, baby! Calm down!" but his efforts are useless. He looks at her electroencephalogram on the monitor and once again the anomaly shows.

"Doc, do something! FJC!" Kaidan screams to Chakwas who is still dismayed "COME ON!"

At his boost, Miranda springs to reach a locker and she takes a syringe to administer the medication, "Get out Alenko!" she shoves him on a side and she grabs Shepard's right arm.

"What are you doing?" he questions her worried.

"This is a sedative!"

"No wait! She could go back into a coma, STOP!" he begs her, but when the needle touches Shepard's skin, a glowing light surrounds it, slamming the syringe to the floor.

"Wh… what…?" Miranda stutters "Her… biotics…? No that's impossible, her implants are off-line!"

Kaidan takes advantage of her consternation to return near his lover, taking her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him.

"Sharilin, listen to me!" he locks his eyes into hers that are cold and flat, her pupils dilated, "Sharilin, it's me! Please stop this! Can you hear me? SHARILIN!"

The noises of the machineries together with Shepard's whines are driving him insane, but he holds on still staring at her "Sharilin! You just told me that you could never leave me again! So please dismiss whoever is taking control of you and come back to me, I NEED YOU!"

His orders somehow reach her conscience because the Commander stops growling and her eyes focus brightened into his deep brown ones "Kai…"  
"Yes baby, it's me!" he answers hopeful, while the beeps of the monitors lower again.

"Kaidan…" she murmurs, with a guilty look in her face.

"Thank God…" with all his effort he tries not to fall relieved and exhausted after those moments of terror, but he has to stay strong for her.

"I… I am… sorry…" she starts to cry.

"Shhh… It's ok my love, it's ok…" he brushes his lips on her temple "It's all over…"

"It was… terrible," she sobs.

"I know baby, but now you're with me again… Please relax…" he caresses her lovingly.

Miranda who has assisted to all the scene, grips Doctor Chakwas' arm "It's enough for today, doctor. Shepard has to rest. Let's leave them alone. All she needs is the Major taking care of her!" she gives him a knowing glimpse and they leave the room.

"Did you hear her my love? You need to rest now…" he whispers.

"Kaidan… I know you have a lot of questions about…"

"Shhh baby. You're going to tell me everything when you're ready to do it, there's no hurry. The only thing that matters is that you get better, and I'll do anything to help you!" he reassures her.

"Yes… I am tired…" she yawns.

"Sleep, my love…" he gives her a brief kiss.

"But you'll stay here with me, won't you?"

"I don't have the slightest intention to leave you Sharilin, never!"

Shepard gives him a sweet smile and then falls to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

'_From: James Vega_

_To: Kaidan Alenko_

_Subject: RE: RE: RE: Shepard's awake_

_Hey Charming!_

_Glad to know that Lola is getting better._

_It's no surprise that she doesn't want to meet anyone though. Who the hell knows what she been through that damned day in the Citadel…_

_But I'm sure she'll recover soon… How couldn't she? Her fuckin' Prince Charming is there, taking care of her! I bet she's shamefully happy now. Damn you Alenko you're a lucky man!_

_Goddamn I'm stuck here on this deserted space station for my N7 training… Don't get me wrong I am proud of becoming an elite soldier… I just need my trainer!_

_Anyways, I've heard from Scars that he and Sparks are still in Vancouver too trying to fix EDI's body after they found it split in pieces all over London. How's Joker doing?  
I really need to ask for some shore leave, I miss my crazy teammates! But I think I'm going to wait until Lola gets in the mood to receive visits. I've to claim my N7 trainer back!_

_So Charming, take advantage of this time with her because I'll be back soon!_

_Bye Cabròn!_

_James'_

Kaidan chuckles as he turns off his omni-tool seating near Shepard's bed.

"What's funny?" she asks curious.

"Just Vega… He sends you his greetings!"

She gives him a mischievously gaze "Still calling you Charming?"  
"Hell yeah…" he frowns brushing his nape.  
She smiles sweetly "But he's right… You're caring and protective towards me… You're my Prince Charming, Kaidan!"

He puffs resigned, seeing her giggling delighted means everything for him. Does she like thinking about him as her Prince Charming? So be it!

"I think I should look for a white horse to ride when you exit from this hospital, shouldn't I?" he sneers.

Shepard's face lightens up excited "Oh my God… Yes! It would be amazing!"

"Anything for you, Ma'am!" Alenko states, leaning his head to kiss her lips lovingly.

It's been a week since she woke up from her coma and still he can barely believe she's there with him, alive. But he is fully aware that this is only the beginning.

Shepard is clearly traumatized by whatever has happened at the Citadel and she doesn't want to speak about it. Not that he tried to make her talk: he just wants to be with her, reveling in her presence, losing himself in her gorgeous blue eyes, being cradled by her sensual voice calling his name and telling him how much she loves him and she needs him.

Yes, because since she came back from her unconscious state, the only thing that seems matter to Shepard is having Kaidan at her side. At first her reaction amazed him: she always used to hate showing her weakness to anyone, so he was sure she'd push him away, avoiding him to see how fragile and unsure she is now.

On the contrary, she demands his presence like he is essential for her rehabilitation. She claims him all the time when she's awake and the rare moments he leaves her alone with Doctor Chakwas or Miranda Lawson, taking the advantage to go to the bathroom or to visit Joker briefly, she glimpses at him worried. The two women told him that while he's gone she shuts down and pouts and only when he's back in the room she relaxes and talks again.

Kaidan notices the expression of pure bliss when she stares at him, her adoring eyes drinking at the sight of him, her sweet smile full of happiness, and he melts down overwhelmed. He always knew she loves him, but she was more reserved and careful about her own feelings than him. So seeing her now showing unashamedly her need of him and asking him to take care of her, leaves him breathless every time.

Probably Shepard is aware that they are finally free from the fear of the loss and from the pain and the suffering of the war and they are finally able to enjoy every moment of their life together. But he understands there is more behind her behavior and even if he's longing to know what is it, he never questions her. She needs to take her time to recover from her shock and he is strongly determined to respect that, supporting her with all his love.

Therefore, he spends his days with her having carefree chats, watching movies, or simply cuddling her softly, caressing her hair, kissing her gently… Her body is still immobilized, even if Miranda already changed the settings of her implants to stimulate her muscles to work and when she's caught by discouragement he amuses her telling shameful stories about his youth in Vancouver, being awarded by her crystalline laughs.

Somehow Kaidan is feeling like he's in paradise by her side and each kiss, each embrace, each moment they share together is an unbelievably gift for him.

"Awww..." Shepard sighs when he moves away from her lips "I really miss you..."

He looks at her surprised as he sits back on the chair "But I'm here baby!"

She glances at him a little bothered "Come on, you know what I mean!"

He acts cleverly "No Ma'am, I don't!"

She frowns at his teasing, "I miss EVERYTHING about you, Kaidan..."

He chuckles "You naughty girl... you just been revived a second time and you're already thinking about... such things?"

"Goddamn, of course I do! But you don't seem to feel the same for me..." Shepard turns her head looking the other way.

Kaidan stands up immediately and with his right hand forces her to stare back at him. She pouts as their eyes get caught into each other and he can't help himself thinking how beautiful she really is even when she's upset.

"You have no idea how badly I want you every moment of my day, Sharilin… I'm just so grateful to have you back that anything else can wait!" he reassures her.

Shepard groans delighted by his nearness and feeling his hot breath on her face gives her goose bumps of desire. She closes her eyes subconsciously and Kaidan joins their lips in another sweet and deep kiss.

"I really feel alive only when you hold me in your arms and we become one..." she murmurs to him "But now I can't even sense most of my fucking rebuilt body!" she adds very peeved.

He brushes her hair never taking his eyes off of her "Baby you have to be patient..."

"Yeah, I know it… But…"

He reaches her ear and with the husky warm tone that he knows drives her crazy whispers to her "When you finally recover at 100% I swear I will make love to you so many times and so passionately that you'll feel more than alive. You'll be perfectly aware of each single muscle of your body, which will quiver from the strain! So rest as much as possible now baby because then I will not let you relax for a very long time..."

His words make Shepard's breathing fast and her heart beating wildly "Can't wait for that moment, Kaidan…"  
"I also can't wait, my love..." he grins "But now it's time to rest!"

He takes the stretcher he's using to sleep every night and he positions it near her bed as he always does.

The fact that Shepard is so weak and exposed is not the only thing that concerns him. As much as she pretends wanting him by her side, she refuses to meet anyone else, even her best friends Tali and Garrus. Just Chakwas and Lawson are allowed to enter in her room to check up on her and she appears visibly upset at their presence.

He knows exactly why she acts like that. The strange 'anomaly' continues to manifest itself, making Shepard wail in foreign languages with unknown voices. Kaidan is the only one able to interrupt her, calming her down and helping her to retake control of her own mind. That show is completely hideous and he knows she doesn't want anyone else witnessing it. Anyways, thankfully day-by-day it is occurring less frequently and only when she falls asleep.

As soon as Kaidan lie spread out on the stretcher at her side, Shepard takes a deep breath "I have to resolve the mess in my mind… I want to recover once and for all..." she asserts seriously and she closes her eyes.

Alenko rest his head near hers admiring her sleeping features, touching slightly her rosy cheeks, and her full lips. After a while the monitors resound louder warning him that the anomaly is going to start… but oddly Shepard doesn't say a word, her face is relaxed and placid.

Kaidan stays awake all night long, the beeps of the machineries echoing during all that time as he watch over his lover who's immobile and quiet. He's completely terrified 'What's happening in her mind? What if she doesn't wake up again? No please, no…'

At least the sun appears through the window again and its warm rays lighten Shepard's pale skin and her mahogany hair making her glow and Kaidan's breath is caught in his throat at such amazing sight. Suddenly, the monitors shut off and silence invades the room. Her eyelids open and her shiny sky-blue eyes stare at him.

"Baby… are you ok…?" he questions her unsure.

She gives him a gorgeous smile "Yes I am. It's over now."

"Over… What... what do you mean?" he stutters.  
"I've made it Kaidan. I am finally free!"

* * *

"KAIDAAAAAAAN!" Tali's running towards him "Is she really…?"

"Yes, she is!" he smiles to the Quarian who has just arrived at the hospital along with Garrus. He is waiting in the hallway "And what…?"

"I don't know, Doctor Chakwas and Miss Lawson are checking up on her condition. But this morning I saw peace in her eyes for the very first time since she came back from the coma!"

At his words Tali jumps to hug him thrilled "Oh Kelaah!"

Kaidan responds to her embrace giving a sigh of relief "One of the first things she asked me was to call the two of you, she misses you so much!"

Tali leave her grip on him and squeals excited glimpsing to Garrus "Oh yes! We missed her so badly too!" and the Turian nods.

The door opens and Chakwas exits "The Commander is waiting for you!" she says to the two aliens and they rush immediately into the room. She turns her attention to Alenko who didn't move "Aren't you going to join them?"

He smirks "I don't have to be selfish, I had her for myself all the time. I think they need some time for themselves!"

The Doctor winks at him "Anyways she is all right. I can't affirm with certain knowledge that the anomaly will not occur anymore, but she seems absolutely sure about that. We have to trust in her words."

"I do!"

"Me too… But did she finally tell you something about the fight…?" she continues.

"We're all here to listen to her story now!" Admiral Hackett appears at their side, together with the Asari Councilor and a young man wearing the Alliance outfit "Is the Commander ready for us?"  
"Yes Admiral, she is. I just finished visiting her" Chakwas answers.

Alenko gives them the salute gesture "Admiral, Councilor..."

"Hi Major Alenko" Hackett imitates his motion and then he points to the soldier near him "This is Specialist Kellerman, he is here to record officially Shepard's declaration. He has been one of the right-hand men of Anderson during the days of the Resistance, he's a reliable person."

The two exchange a fast nod then Kaidan bows in front of Hackett and the Councilor "I want to thank you personally to have granted Shepard's request about the recording in order that she wouldn't be forced to repeat it in the future."

"At ease, Major. By chance I was already here in this town to visit our Human allies and I speak in the name of all the Council when I say it's our honor to do something for the Commander after what she did for all of the Galaxy" the Asari explains "We owe a lot to her so if there's anything else we can do to help her, just let us know please."

"Well, if I am allowed to speak… frankly, ask to her now all you want to know about what happened on the Citadel, but then after today never mention anything to her anymore. She's still traumatized and probably she will be for the rest of her life. She needs to forget about the terrible things she's been through and to think about her future with appropriateness and optimism" Kaidan's voice is full of affect and concern for his lover.

"Of course, Major" Hackett gently pats his shoulder "Now let's go!"


	8. Epilogue

**This is the last chapter of the fic. I hope you all liked it! ^_^  
Please leave comments about my story if you want, they would be very appreciate!  
I want to thank again my lovely M****andy** for all her help and support: love you my baby!  
After Christmas holydays, I'll start the second part of my headcanon Shenko post-ending, so stay tuned! :)

* * *

_**Epilogue**_

**[Starts recording]**

**Kellerman: ** This is Specialist Sheldon Kellerman, from the System Alliance.

I've been in charged by the Alliance Committee to record Commander Shepard's declaration about the final fight against the Reapers at the Citadel.

At the event here assisting is Admiral Steven Hackett and Major Kaidan Alenko in representation of the Alliance Navy, the Asari Councilor Tevos in representation of all the Citadel Council, Admiral Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy in representation of the Quarian Admiralty, Mr. Garrus Vakarian in representation of the Turian Primarch Adrien Victus.

Also Doctor Karin Chakwas and Miss Miranda Lawson are present here to monitor the Commander's vital functions.  
This is the second part of the recording.

Please Commander can you repeat your personal details.

**Shepard:** My name is Sharilin Shepard.

I was born in 2154 on Mindoir, from Nathan and Hannah Shepard.

I'm a Lieutenant Commander of the Alliance Navy, a member of the System Alliance N7 special forces, and the first Human operative of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance of the Citadel Council.

**Hackett:** Thank you, Commander. So you were talking about the AI that controlled the Reapers and that offered you different solutions to end the war.

**Shepard:** Exactly, it claimed to be the Catalyst itself and it told me that I had to choose between 3 colored beams blowing off by the Crucible.

**Hackett:** Beams?

**Shepard:** Yes. _[Sighs]_

The green one was to synthesize a new hybrid DNA both organic and inorganic turning all the species of the galaxy into a unique artificial race even the Reapers themselves. The creation of that new DNA required the sacrifice of my own life because I'm already half organic and half synthetic.

_[A low whimper comes from someone of the witnesses]_

**Shepard:** Ehm… The blue beam would of kill me too, turning me into a new Reaper, but maintaining my conscience so that I could be able to control all of them.

_[Other whimper, the voice seems to be male]_

**Shepard:** _[Sighs]_ The red beam was one of the best solution because it was to destroy the Reapers, but together with them it would had blow out all the artificial lives as the Geth and maybe even people with cybernetic implants like Major Alenko or me. _[Sighs]_

_[Another gloomy whimper]_

**Shepard:** _[Sighs]_ None of the options were acceptable and the AI tried to convince me that I had no other choice. But deep inside myself I knew it was lying, so I rebelled against it. I started to threaten it, saying that I would find a way to blow up the entire Citadel ending its existence together with its Reapers.

Somehow my menace took effect, because the hologram of the AI started to fade and the place begun to tremble knocking me out.

_[Intelligible murmurs from the witnesses]_

**Shepard:** When I woke up I was back in the place with The Illusive man and…God _[Her voice trembles] _Anderson's lifeless bodies. I was very confused, but I immediately noticed an unknown cavernous voice that was echoing in the air cursing.

I yelled asking for explanations without obtaining any answer, so I looked all around me. The console I've used to make the arms of the Citadel to re-open for the Crucible caught my attention. It was surrounded by a flashing pillar of light, its holo-keyboard was bigger and it seemed to be up and running by its own. _[Sighs]_

**Hackett:** Please Commander carry on.

**Shepard:** Yes… I got up on my feet and I went straight towards the console, but when I entered in the light… _[Gulps]_ An unknown force took control of my body making all my muscles painfully tense and my mind was invaded by innumerable horrible visions.

It was... awful... _[Gulps]_ No, I can't even describe the pain and the horror… _[Her voice trembles]_

**Hackett:** Do you want some water to drink, Commander?

**Shepard:** No thank you, I'm fine. _[Sighs] _Anyways, I don't know exactly how much time that experience lasted, but when it was all over I fell on the ground again, devastated but finally with all the knowledge I needed to understand everything about the Reapers, about the AI, and about the Crucible.

_[New intelligible murmurs from the witnesses]_

**Hackett:** And now can you tell us everything, Commander?

**Shepard:** Of course. _[Inhales deeply]_

As the Leviathan told me, the AI had been designed by his ancestors to end the war between them and the synthetic life they created. Its core was the center of the structure that we all knew hereafter as the Citadel, but at the time it was just small space station wandering in the orbit of their home planet.

Against all their expectations, the AI rebelled at its own creators taking control of all the machines and stating that the only way to stop the conflict was to wipe out all of them. Leviathan's ancestors started to immediately build the Crucible to destroy its core, but they were late and under the command of the AI all the synthetics became more powerful and decimated all their forces.

The menace of the Crucible was a reality for the AI though. So it managed to hack it, changing its software to use it for its own purpose. When its enemies tried the last desperate attack against its core, the AI used the Crucible against them killing them but pouring their essence into the machines, turning them into what we all know, the Reapers. The first one was the Harbinger itself.

**Hackett:** All thanks to the Crucible?

**Shepard:** Yes. Therefore, the Leviathan's ancestors were finally defeated, but in the meantime new species were growing all over the galaxy. Calculating all the variables, the AI concluded that sooner or later a new war between organics and inorganics would begin soon, then its task wasn't over yet.

The main problem was that during the process of creating the first Reapers, the Crucible exploded into pieces, damaging even the core of the AI. So it had to… elaborate a new strategy for its own survival. It was… _[Her voice trembles]_

**Alenko: **Commander, are you all right? Do you want to stop?

**Shepard:** No, I can do this Major. Thank you.

**Hackett:** Shepard, I know it's hard, but please try to hold on… We all need answers.

**Shepard:** I know Admiral, it's just… it's complicated to explain. _[Sighs]_

Ok… There was the AI with its damaged core and its new Reapers leaded by the Harbinger. They stood by, waiting for the new species to evolve and when they finally developed the right technology, the Harbinger started to show itself to them looking for a way to make them repair the core and to build a new Crucible.

Soon it discovered to have the ability to hypnotize some of the weakest organic creatures and thanks to that it accomplished to its mission. When the new fight between those races and the synthetic lives they had created was going to begin, the Reapers harvested them and the AI used the Crucible again to create new models of Reapers from the people the Harbinger had mesmerized. _[Sighs]_

The AI noticed that using its weapon against obliging creatures was safer because this time, when the Crucible exploded, it didn't do any kind of damage to its structure. So the AI studied the Harbinger's ability to hypnotize and developed the indoctrination system… _[Gulps and inhales deeply]_

From that moment, each cycle followed the same plan. The newest Reaper created in the previous cycle remained awake, looking for a new target for its indoctrination. The chosen one was always a lonely being, with no other interest then to save his kind from annihilation, but on the contrary he ended every time to help unconsciously his enemies creating his own entourage of people following his orders, expanding the AI's core and improving the Crucible's schematics, until the Reapers started the harvest and turned him into one of them… _[Her voice trembles]_

The… the vision I had on the Citadel… God… _[Gulps]_ It was like all the saviors of each cycle got a hold of me… I… It was like _**I**_ was each of them for a moment… I felt their doubts, their fear… their PAIN… _[Her voice trembles]_

**Alenko: **Shepard…

**Shepard:** _[Inhales deeply]_ All of them are part of me now… I had to struggle with them because they wanted to use me to tell their story to… to everybody, to avoid anyone to make their same mistake again. It took me some time to understand how to handle them because my mind was too instable…

**Chakwas:** Then that strange anomaly…

**Shepard:** Yes, Doctor. But now I'm fine, I've promised to them I will preserve all their memories until the end of my days.

**Hackett:** Good to know it, Commander.  
Anyways… According to your claim, the Sovereign was the last Reaper created during the Prothean's cycle and Saren was the chosen one, is it correct?

**Shepard:** Exactly Admiral. But for the first time something went wrong and Saren failed.

**Hackett:** Because of you, Shepard.

**Shepard:** Well… _[Gulps]_ Yes… That's why they had to change their plan, choosing me.

_[A chorus of voices exclaims surprised]_

**Hackett:** You? Do you mean they chose you as their target of the indoctrination?

**Shepard:** Yes. Like Saren I was a lonely soldier, all my life was dedicated only to my job, with no close friends and family. _[Sighs]_

But they were late, due to all the time spent with Saren. So they had to speed up everything, that's why the Harbinger sent the Collectors to destroy the Normandy SR-1 to kill me.

_[Other whimper from the same male voice]_

**Shepard:** It was in order to give Cerberus the opportunity to take control of me. In fact the Harbinger had already indoctrinated The Illusive Man. He was the one behind Saren's laboratories on Virmire.

**Lawson:** What?! I didn't know anything about that!

**Shepard:** Of course not. Almost no one knew his thirst for power and knowledge caught the attention of the AI since the very beginning and he showed himself being very useful for its purposes. So Cerberus revived me, but the orders were bright clear – I should be exactly the same person as I was before my death without any kind of commanding chip or anything else, because otherwise the Crucible wouldn't work right on me.

After my awakening, I started my new trip with the Cerberus crew. All of that time I spent with them, fighting the Collectors, finding finally the larva of the Human Reaper, and even the events occurred at the Bahak system… they were all devised by the AI to subject me to a heavy exposure to the indoctrination devices.

_[New-surprised murmurs from the witnesses]_

**Shepard:** Then, when the AI stated I was ready, the Reapers started their attack and the war began. In the meantime it finally allowed Doctor T'soni to find the designs for the Crucible and…

**Tevos:** "Allowed" her? What do you mean?

**Shepard:** Councilor, with all due respect… Don't you think that after 50 years since we found those Prothean ruins on Mars, the schematics magically appeared just by chance exactly when the Reapers attacked us – do you?

**Tevos:** _[Gulps]_ Err… no, of course not. Sorry Commander, please continue.

**Shepard:** _[Inhales]_ When the Crucible was ready, the doom's day of our cycle arrived and I ended up being where I was supposed to be, at the Citadel. The entire story about the beams and the hologram of the AI, were just illusions caused by the indoctrination system, to make sure the chosen one would be determined until the end.

**Hackett:** Why did the AI need you to be completely obliging in order to make the Crucible work?

**Shepard:** Because it was the only way to be certain at 100% to have a new powerful Reaper with its own conscience subdued to the AI's will without risking being damaged again by the Crucible. For the same reason every cycle it created new 'options' for the savior to pick up, they were useful to highlight the only real choice, the Control. _[Sighs]_  
Even in my case… the AI knew that I could never destroy the Geth and the other synthetic lives and I wouldn't hazard to change the DNA of all the species of the galaxy, while having the control of an amazing powerful army of machines that I could use to protect all of you forever would be the perfect option for me._ [Sighs]_

**Hackett:** But you're here… So what happened?

**Shepard:** _[Takes a deep breath]_ What happened was that… _[Gulps]_ I'm totally immune to the indoctrination.

_[Again the chorus of the witnesses' voices amazed]_

**Shepard:** It never happened in the whole Reapers' existence that someone would be able to resist to their mesmerizing. So the AI went completely out of control when it realized that I did and I took advantage of its moment of weakness to destroy its core with the last biotic strength I had in my body. As I thought, once it had been wiped out annihilating the AI, the Reapers had been deactivated and the Citadel fell into pieces.  
THIS is what happened.

End of my story.

_[Other chorus of whispers]_

**Hackett:** Wait Shepard… you are saying that in spite of the Reapers' effort to take you by their side, even killing and reviving you, you were immune to their power… How is it possible?

**Shepard:** _[Gulps] _The AI didn't find an answer till the moment I deleted it, while I had my personal opinion about this but… I… I don't know… _[Her voice trembles]_

**Hackett:** Please Commander tell us.

**Shepard:** _[Gulps] _The difference between all the previous saviors and me was that Saren and The Illusive Man included, was just one. As I said, I was a lonely being, living just to serve my people, and I never minded about dying for the right reason. But the AI didn't notice that my situation changed during my journey to fight its Reapers. I found a family, my crew on the Normandy… I found friends and… well… I found love.

_[Murmurs from the male voice]_

**Shepard:** So I wasn't alone anymore, I had a lot of things to care about… I found new reasons to fight… and to STAY ALIVE!

_[Chuckles]_ Maybe I'm just a romantic, but well… I can't see other reasons. Love is the stronger power of our cycle that had produced.

During the visions I had at the Citadel about the past, I've seen thousands of other civilizations, but none of them managed to get reunited as we all did to fight the Reapers. Humans and Salarians, Turians and Krogans, even Quarians and Geth… We all found out a way to reconcile and cooperate against the enemy, and why did we do that? It was all because of love.

_ [Sighs]_ Oh, as I said… This is just my humble opinion… Probably no one will be able to know exactly if I'm right or not.  
Anyways, that is all I have to say._ [Gulps]_

**Tevos:** _[Inhales]_ Well, I think this is enough.

There are thousands of things I'll have to discuss about it when I'll head back at the new base of the Council. Your history is amazing Commander, but beware there will be the possibility that someone will not believe anything you have said.

However I trust you and I will be grateful until my dying day for what you've done, Shepard.

**Hackett:** I agree. The Alliance Committee will have a lot of questions about this recording, but I'll take care of them for now.

Get well soon Shepard, because we'll need you operative as soon as possible. There are plenty of things you'll have to do. The end of the war was just the beginning. _[Throat-clearing]_

In any case… Thank you Commander Shepard, the galaxy owes you everything.

_[Burst of applause]_

**Kellerman: ** This is Specialist Sheldon Kellerman and that was the recording of Commander Shepard's declaration.

Kellerman out.

**[Stops recording]**


End file.
